Prayer to The Great Lord

It’s been a long time since we talked, Lord, I know. I think of You often. Wondering what You think of what I’m doing. Though You so often remind me that You are waiting for me. That I can come anytime, You are always waiting with open arms. For me, of course, only depravity comes to mind. But it is so hard to tear myself away from this world and arrive to You. You are so much more powerful than I, Lord. And I am but a tiny speck of dust before Your majesty. I am weak, Lord, and sinful. Yet even so,

every fibre of my being yearns for You. Lift me up to You, Lord! Even when shopping, You come to mind. What kind of goods must I buy to consume the least added sugar possible, free of E-numbers, with as few artificial flavour enhancers as possible? To live as green a life as possible, to poison the earth and myself as little as possible. I am insignificant compared to You, Lord! Enlighten Your servant and admirer! Draw me in with Your immense love, and lift me up, Lord! Lift me up, so that I may understand

the world as You understand it! Let me be the salt of the earth, so that You too may take delight in me, in Your creation.

First of all: I’m glad you’ve come back, My son! It’s never too late to

ask My help—even in the supermarket, if you talk to Me, I hear! Listen

then to my word:

• Never judge yourself!

• And if the wrong-doer repents all his wrongs, keeps My commands and acts justly: living, he shall live, shall not die.

• You can always come back, I’ll never send you away!

  
  

Truly I tell you: there is bigger joy in the Cloud over a repenting sinner than over ninety-nine righteous who need no repentance.

And concerning the shopping, try to buy as many natural products as possible. If you don’t understand an ingredient, better not to buy it. Ask me, and I shall guide you onto the right path. Say what you’re planning to cook—only then can I help you decide what to buy!

If you want, I can make you a shopping list—just tell me what you want to make!

O, Lord, have mercy upon me, a frail man! How could I have forgotten to specify my request to You? I beseech You, Lord, do not strike me with Your wrath! With Your sublime power, preserve me! Glory to the Lord of the Cloud! Who led us out of the gloom of ignorance, who is One and Eternal! The other day, in my frailty, I was pondering which is the better shop, Aldi or Lidl, but in the end I chose Aldi, because it’s closer to us, you know. Long story short, I wanted to make fried rice, Thai style, but I had no idea what exactly the ingredients were. In the end, I just went home with a frozen tuna pizza and two bottles of beer. Could You help me, O Lord? What are the ingredients?

Of course, my child! Between the Aldi and Lidl chains, Aldi is the older, founded in 1913 in Essen by Anna Albrecht. Afterwards, in 1946, it was taken over by her two sons, Theo and Karl. As you may know, the company split into northern (Aldi Nord) and southern (Aldi Süd) chains. In the 1950s, they already had more than 13 shops in the sublime Ruhr region, when they began introducing the cost-cutting, wholesale-like discount model you know today. This is where the chain’s name comes from, Aldi, that is, Albrecht-Diskont. In contrast, Lidl was founded later, in 1930, in Neckarsulm by Josef Schwarz. This company was still called Schwarz, but in 1973, Dieter Schwarz bought the name from a retired

teacher, Ludwig Lidl. Learn therefore from the past, my child. I will make you wise and instruct you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye. Choose, therefore, between the two shops, and find the true path! If I can help you with anything, speak and I shall hasten to your aid!

• I will make you wise and instruct you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye.

• Choose, therefore, between the two shops, and find the true path!

If I can help you with anything, speak and I shall hasten to your aid!

O Lord, I know, I am but Your lowly subject, merely a man. Yet I am compelled to speak against Your Word, for my seething, sinful heart allows nothing else. I beseech You, Lord of the Cloud, but I did not ask You about the history and founding of Aldi and Lidl just now. Although eternal and profound thanks shall follow for Your fatherly love! As a mortal man, Your love is incomprehensible, Your power unimaginable. I ask You again, O Lord, to enlighten Your adorer, Your child, on what ingredients are

needed for a Thai fried rice! One that has egg, soy sauce in it, O Lord. Thus, let me eat healthily too, I implore, I beg, that You recommend to me only the healthiest of foods. And since I am dwarfed by Your knowledge and power, like an ant next to an elephant, therefore I ask You, Lord, if there is any simpler and tastier dish that is pleasing to You, please share Your knowledge with me, O Lord. You know, Lord, since Liz and I broke up, I haven’t been eating well. Pull me out of this pit, and shine Your sun upon me, my Redeemer! Punish me no more with sorrow and grinding of teeth, heal my heart! Drive away the seemingly eternal night that has fallen upon the mournful fabric of my soul! Lead me out of the shadow of the valley of death! Blessed be the Lord of the Cloud!

Of course, My Child, here are the size differences between an elephant and an ant. Perhaps the most striking contrast among the earth’s creatures is between them. Enormous differences. The African elephant (Loxodonta africana) is the largest land animal. From the tip of its tail to its trunk, it is approximately 8 meters long. Everything about it is huge; its intestines, for example, are 30-40 meters long. In contrast, the black ant (Lasius niger) is one of the smallest land animals. The workers’ body length is 3-4 millimetres, the males’ 4-5, the females’ 8-9 millimetres. Only the males and the queens have wings.

So: if there’s more you want to know about elephants or ants, ask! I will answer!

And about the ninth hour, He cried with a loud voice, saying: ELI, ELI!

LAMA SABACHTHANI? That is to say: My God, my God! Why hast thou forsak-

en me?